Ok... so just because it's true, it doesn't mean that I'm ok with it. In a moment of clarity I chose that URL .. amblingintoit .. and went ahead with making it public. But ever since then I've been ashamed of it, like trying to escape it by proving that "see? I'm in complete control"
Well, I'm not. A year+ into it and I'm nowhere close to in control. If my child kept repeating the same month over and over [thank goodness he doesn't] I might be .. I might have learned enough to deal with every mood and the stress and everything else. But that's not the way it goes. These kids .. they change every month, week, day .. sometimes every friggin' hour. They do!!! And by now I would want to be able to say "I've got the hang of this" but there is no 'this'. Nope. Not at all. So fuck you all nay-sayers. I don't care about you anymore because .. you know what?! I have no fucking idea what i'm doing most of the time.
1. I try to make it in to work on time but I fail most every day
2. I try to remember all of the preschool due dates and what not but fail 25% of the time [two boxes of baby shoes due this friday??! seriously?! I recycle those the next day after i buy the damn shoes!!]
3. I try to have home-made organic dinners 3 times a week but we usually end up eating take-out
4. I try to take a shower every day but guess what?! I don't
5. I try to give Mr. G a bath every night but it usually happens every other night
6. I try to show my hubby lovings every week but it doesn't usually happen that way .. usually I find a week when there are no molars coming in or sickness in the house and make it up for 1/2 of the month
7. worst of all, I try to be consistent with Mr. G. but sometimes it's easier to give in, and the hubby hates it .. yet I still disagree .. he will be raised well, the leeway he gets while 2 doesn't affect his LIFE .. I will totally be a hard ass on the 10 year old version of him
8. i will now definitely have to keep this domain because as much of a mess i am we've decided - mostly cose of my arguments - to have another child .. this year .. despite my best judgement.
So there we go. We're raising a good kid .. he's so compassionate and loving, giving hugs to classmates who are crying and loving babies, but being a hardass when it comes to sharing things with the parents - not with anyone else btw. Our place is rarely clean and the carpet has more stains than I've had sexual encounters. BUT there is hope. He loves to help: putting dishes in the dishwasher, cleaning his table, attempting to dress himself. And the hubby too is helping by modifying his behavior to use less manliness on Mr. G. and more cuddliness. He was raised in a very strict environment so it's hard to be judging.
The conclusion is [and yes, I am a closeted horoscope freak] that we want a Sagitarius baby because that would provide the best match of Mr. G. as a sibling and, secretly from hubby, that he himself being a sag. would change his parenting style to be more maneable. If the 2nd is a girl it's even better.
Deciding on this "should we have a 2nd" business is hard, so I'll speak more to it in next post.