Monday, July 20, 2009


Thank you all so much for the kind words. Your experience and opinions are very valuable to me. They have helped me those first couple of days when I had to drop him off.

Today is his fourth day and you were all right. And he LOVES it! He has a posse already (a couple of one year olds who are at the most his size .. :). I am so happy he goes there now. He seems to really enjoy himself and we finally found something that helps him use up all that energy. As a result he falls asleep easier as well and is calmer in general. He loves observing the other kids and has pretty much taken over the jumper.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


It's my blog so I can bitch damn it!!!!

If you haven't clicked on the back button, then here's the story. Here's what I never confess to anyone including my diary. Here's what takes a glass of wine and a couple of weeks of lack of sleep to confess: I am a failure. Yes, my dear reader, with all respect, you've wasted your time. I, am a failure. 1999 I started a company which failed because the friggin shopping cart wasn't stylish enough I didn't deliver on time. Then in 2000 I got a grant and I failed again because a company in town seemingly was going to deliver the same product in the same time frame - the paranoid freak in me figured the grant was set up solely for research purposes. No matter, another business - which netsuite matched about 60% - was waiting for funding in 2002. Ok.. so netsuite swept the market .. I had something better in 2003. ... and then I gave up. I was doing it all, after all, for my parents.

My dad refused membership in the communist party, a requirement at the time in the country, so his life was particularly hard. My mom didn't have it any better. My parents always strived to do the right thing. They didn't care about acceptance or deliverance, only about the rule of law.

Long story short, I was here, I had ideas, I had opportunities, I should have been able to help when the corrupt government seized all their belongings and they were left with nothing. I couldn't help with anything .. I used the neutral to go down hills because in 2000 i could not afford the gas. At the same time I was dating someone who thought that because I was foreign and studying in the US I must have been rich .. what a moron! Anyway .. I feel like I have failed. Somehow my parents made it through .. justice prevailed despite what everyone believed. But now, another failure. My son, my only kid, picky and teething, has to go to daycare at 5 months. Let me count the ways I have failed....... too many, or do you want me starting again from 1999?!

My Gregory, my sweetheart, takes an hour or more to fall asleep in our arms because he's teething badly. He passes out in our arms or his bed and then suddenly awakens because his arms try to itch the gums or cheeks or whatever is itching on his face. And I am at work .. staring at A FUCKING SCREEN when my baby needs me to hold and love him. Why?! Because I have failed, .
... so many times. And now, I get to fail again.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Cravings .. for real!

WTF? Cravings like pregnancy cravings. Probably stress.

Please to provide perfectly steamed artichoke with lemon rind, butter and wine dip juices for my pleasure. k thx.

Andrea, you're totally right, I highly advised you not to use a walker but we've succumbed. We went to Babies'R'Us and got this walker. To 'test' it we put some shoes on the little and put him in. Insta-smile and kicking. The more he wanted to come towards me the further away he got backwards. It was hilarious. We dropped the $60 and got it.

Mistress La Spliffe, if you see this, i would need to start a whole new blog to adequately respond to the comment about "institutionalization". I might write a book instead. The more entranced I've become in what my career is currently the less options I've felt were available to me. Also a lyric came to mind when I read it "You don't like the system but you're fighting to keep it". I forget who that is however.

The funk is back

The little is not so little anymore.. almost 19 lb and stronger than I seemingly. He wants to walk but can't even sit yet. Wants to play with things that require dexterity but hasn't mastered moving his fingers yet so he's constantly frustrated at something. So we hold him standing, hold him sitting, hand him toys, show him stuff, move him from sling to table to bed to jumper to bouncy chair to bumbo seat with tray with toys because his attention span is 15 mins at best. As a result hubby's neck is all screwed up, my tendonitis hurts horribly especially in the right wrist, my upper and lower back are screwed .. all in all we're doing a lot of business with our chiropractor.

He is awesome however .. so much fun I would love nothing more than to stay home with him, teach him things, play with him, hold him when he cries. But I can't .. so blah!

New things he's doing as of this weekend:
- reaching with both arms towards us if he wants to be picked up
- reaching towards things he wants if they're not within reach
- slowly crawling if we assist by providing something for his feet to push against
- grabbing EVERYTHING in sight .. pens, purses, toys, cloths, dishes, my bottle of olive oil while i'm making a salad

Given that he's not even 5 months yet I'm pretty amazed and impressed with these behaviours. This does mean he requires a LOT of energy from whomever is taking care of him. More often than not this person is hubby and he is exhausted. Today we're getting a walker .. it's not the safest thing in the world but he'll be supervised while playing in it and if it saves our backs and wrists so much the better.