Sunday, October 21, 2012

My son, the zen buddhist master (formerly "Going great")

Such a long time since my last post.. I had this draft put together a week after I gave birth but never finished it and never posted it. It's just a paragraph and it's really scattered but here it is:

"Labor went great .. so much better than the best way I imagined it could go. Turns out the fact that it was my 2nd did help. The fact that I obsessively ensured his positioning (not reclining, pelvic rocking 20 mins before bed, laying on the left side, etc) paid off. I've heard so many stories of women who had back labor with all their babies that I was certain I was going to end up having back labor this time around just like the first time. Did not happen. The fact that he was at station +1 also helped. Labor was 3 hours in total from the first contraction to his delivery. By the time I realized I was in actual labor it was actually too late to make it to the car. Midwife and birth assistant got to our place 30 minutes before he was delivered because by the time everyone left to meet us at the birthing center I was too far along to be driving anywhere. I remember hubby on the phone with the midwife on speakerphone and her hearing me pant when she said she's coming over. I snicker at the thought at what this would have looked like if I would have seen an OB instead .. can you imagine calling an American doctor saying "Can you please come over instead of overseeing your other 10 women in labor in the hospital? I don't think I can make it over there". It would have been hubby delivering the baby with instructions from 911 at that point .. or the EMT. Either way, not relaxing or very reassuring. Within 5 minutes of their getting to our place the bedroom was prepped with whatever they could find around here. Labor, as the short ones tend to be, was very intense. It literally felt like a rocket was launching out of my uterus during transition and there were a few minutes there when i thought I wasn't going to make it through, whatever that meant (I simply don't remember)."

So there it was, almost 6 months ago, and time flies by so fast. Julian is wonderful. He is my loverboy .. he cuddles and likes to nozzle me and shoots me these charming and flirtatious smiles while he's nursing and I'm smitten. Mr. G continues to be a stubborn and completely charming 3 year old who eats my soul alive. He now loves going to his (new) school .. the montessori system is working great for him. He's also the best helper in the land .. toys are completely worthless; what he wants to do is wash dishes and clean and do laundry. That does sound wonderful but when it's a 3 year old doing it it's really additional work when you have that sort of "help". Mr G, however, has the most to teach me: patience, imperfection as living art, taking things as they come, embracing failure, learning to enjoy the simple things and most importantly that every minute has a life of its own and it should be honored as such. Yes, my oldest son, the 3 year old, is a zen buddhist master.

Five years ago I would have never thought it would be me saying "I feel so unbelievably lucky to have two wonderful children" but the truth is I feel I would have missed out on so much had they not graced us with their existence. Yes I would have travelled more, tried more restaurants, made more friends, SLEPT more (oh, elusive, comfortable sleep) but at the end of the day, life is wonderful. Hard, exhausting, thankless (sometimes showerless) but wonderful.. real, physical, intense, emotional. Wonderful.