On our own

Mom left today. In about 23 hours, 3 flights and a 6 hour drive she will be home and 23 hours away from us. After all the anxiety I felt about her coming here and the first couple of weeks filled with disagreements the rest of the time was very pleasant and now I wish she didn't have to leave. I already miss not having her here. Although all the cleaning and cooking was nice it has more to do with the fact that this was the first time we had a chance to spend time together and connect. When I was home she was always working and since I have moved here we've never spent more than a few days together and even then it was with a bunch more people. It's been nice and I'm looking forward to having her come back in a few months.

Today I also had my 6 week post partum check and everything seems to be back to normal. I'll be seeing my midwife for my yearly in December so we parted with a hug as to seal the end of this journey we took together. She has been amazing.

Third day at work

Today I sneaked at lunch and went home to see baby G. I got there just in time to see him finish eating and rocked him to sleep. Leaving for work knowing that I'll have to stay an hour longer to make up for lunch sucked.

Looks like I'll be able to work four 10 hr days and stay at home on Friday and Saturday while hubby is working. He gets to stay home with him Monday through Thursday. I'd be lying if i didn't say I'm jealous but between the two of us I am the one who absolutely has to keep a full time job. I am trying to learn to take satisfaction in things that are not as much fun as holding him or feeding him but that are just as important: providing financially, providing insurance and good health care, etc. Still, sometimes it doesn't make being at work any easier. Thankfully for most of the time I get distracted enough with work however that my heart doesn't just break in half thinking about how much I'd rather spend time with him than in front of a monitor.

An ultrasound and a specialist

In a couple of weeks I get to have another ultrasound of my breasts and go talk to a specialist about it. He will compare the two ultrasounds and possibly suggest a biopsy to rule out cancer. Given that I have no breast cancer history in the past couple of generations most likely the tumors are benign but I am still freaking out a bit about the whole thing. I feel like everything is kinda standing still until I find out exactly what's going on.

First day at work

I'm exhausted today and felt like i was going to faint a couple of times .. have got to get more rest.

I miss my little guy. His baby fuzzies are starting to fall off and yesterday he started putting his fingers in his mouth purposefully. He started cooing as well.